Jordan Ginsberg

Fox News is very concerned about your salvation

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In addition to upholding the tenets of the television network known far and wide to be the unrivalled bastion of fairness and balance in news broadcasting, did you know the yokels who comprise Fox News’s on-air crew are also the arbiters of piety in God’s America? It’s true! And now, noted serial adulterer and tabloid diva Tiger Woods has found himself caught in the cross-hairs of one Brit Hume, who says:

He is said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. So, my message to Tiger is, “Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

Hume, of course, is a former Fox News anchor who stepped down from his perch, only to stay with the network as an analyst once he realized television was probably a better vehicle to spread the Good Word than ranting on a street corner in urine-soaked sweat pants.

Woods, for his part, has not yet given any indication he will renounce his horrific godless religion and embrace Christianity, a faith whose members have never been involved in high-profile sex scandals of any kind whatsoever.

 

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